Summary over the three years in NL

Chinese Version

三年博后生涯过去了，是时候回顾一下，给自己一个总结。

1.出发

2020年7月一次部门会议进行中，我收到邮件拿到offer，很兴奋，也很淡定，毕竟离开一个舒适圈是很难的。我在北京已经生活了快12年，在这个年龄不继续积累人脉和经历，而是去国外重新开始意味着很大的自我突破，再回国也很难，如果没有很好的积累，接近35岁的年龄找工作不那么容易。在辞职时，领导们也试图劝说我，提醒年轻人要努力奋斗，还说欧洲正在衰落，在最好的年龄留在国内打拼更为明智。。

但做出了这个决定就没有后悔，不管国外是什么样，总得亲自出去看看，于是，我全力准备辞职，准备出国。

2020年的11月16号，我来到广州，平静地购物、与朋友告别，我知道我暂时抛弃了这一切，家人、朋友、熟悉的食物、文化。我迎着每天几万例新冠感染的数字，走向未知。

10小时的飞行之后，我终于踏上了荷兰的土地，已经不记得怎么走出机场，但肯定没有了2018年第一次来荷兰的慌张。坐上娜姐一家专程来接我的车前往格罗宁根，路上几乎没什么车，天空撒下了灿烂的阳光落在翠绿的牧场上，落在弯弯的小河两边金黄的树叶上，落在带有斑点的奶牛身上，我很兴奋，拿着手机拍照，觉得很漂亮。直到今天，我依然喜欢在这样的田野小镇中骑车穿行。

2.生活

初到荷兰，生活很不便利，特别是正处新冠最严重时期，没有行人，宵禁，超市也是限时开放。我每天的生活都是学习、线上开会、坐火车去格罗宁根。平时逛街也只能看看店面，看着大门紧闭的商店并不知道里面可以买到什么，因为全是荷兰语，这让我很慌张，因为我不知道我能在哪里买到我需要的东西，不会荷兰语就无法充分打开这个社会，于是我就看每到一个荷兰语就查阅词典。直到2022年国王节街上才出现一些人，我仍记得那天在街上看到并不熙攘的人头时的喜悦，我不由自主的笑。我从没想到我是如此渴望社群生活。

在Delft，有很多中国人，可以共享信息，几乎可以脱离荷兰的环境，仅在一个小社群中生活。然而，与同事聊天时，我发现即使我能听懂他们说的每个字（有一半并不懂），但并不能捕捉到语句中的含义。他们讨论的话题与我熟悉的中文环境有很大的差异，因此我意识到，既然来到国外，就要敞开心扉，接纳本地人的思想、思维、生活方式。特别是如果将来要在荷兰工作，在同行竞争中需要克服思维差异，否则就缺乏竞争力。好在部门有很多国际人士，很容易融入，我们经常一起聚会，一起喝酒聊天。

在荷兰，最常见的活动应该就是去酒吧。不像在中国，喝酒的量很大，通常会让身体不舒服；在这里，如果我想，一晚上只喝一杯也可以，酒只是个引子，聊天才是主线任务。刚开始受限于语言和理解能力，我只能多听，尽可能理解别人的话，但现在已经可以轻松加入聊天中。我也逐渐喜欢上了酒吧那种轻松、无所不谈的氛围，有时会有邻桌的人加入，或者加入其他人。不去酒吧的时候，我们也会在同事家里，自己调鸡尾酒，准备自己国家特色的饭菜。即使对于欧洲本地人来说，离开自己的国家和圈子，也需要主动融入、互相陪伴。但可能对于欧洲人来说，一直以来的游学或访学传统使得他们更容易开放自己，融入环境。作为中国人需要花费更多精力去主动融入。

在荷兰，物价很贵，不管是购物还是餐馆，快递服务也很不发达，但时间久了，也就接受这种低物欲、低消费，除非是真的需要，否则不会买，有时候也去二手商店，看看质量很好、很有古旧感觉的物品。刚来也不习惯商店关门很早，但也能理解到所有人工作都是平等，都需要休息，这就是国家发达、社会平等的一种表现。

来到荷兰正是冬天，是冷的，黑的，湿的，困的。我一开始很不喜欢荷兰室内弱弱的黄光，但现在却觉得这光暖暖的，很柔和。在第一个冬天，大部分时间都用在了学习上，天还没亮就去办公室（8点），离开办公室已经天黑（7点），甚至每周末去格罗宁根，也在学习。

但是到了春天雨少了有太阳了，我俩就骑着破旧的自行车，去河边，去森林，去小镇，迎着冷风，晒着难得的阳光，路过一处处红色的花、青色的草、白色的墙，欣赏着荷兰农家小院的美，也在感叹中国农村的落后。就这样从春天骑到了夏天、秋天，一年又一年。虽然这里生活很无聊，但骑在车上穿行在美丽的乡村也是一种乐趣。

3.工作

刚来没多久就让我很震撼的是，项目组中有几位来自TNO的研究员或者工程师，年龄已经很大，但依然平等的跟我们工作在一起，尊重我们的意见，调仪器、写代码，工作在第一线。我经常能看到完成于90年代的代码，并且是从底层实现一些算法，并不依赖于第三方或商业库。我惊讶于他们对基础算法的理解、对技术的热爱，有时候遇到困难，他们会竭尽全力去帮忙。很敬佩这些老工程师，能够潜心研究底层技术并充满激情地在新的应用领域尝试，这也是荷兰科技得以发达的原因吧。

这几年的工作也满足了我的梦想。以前我积累了很多基础理论知识，但缺少将理论应用到实际的经验。总是匆忙地完成一个个任务，比如对传感器的仿真、测试。有些任务并不需要太深厚的数学物理知识，有的是利用商业软件，没有太多机会对数学、数理方程进行更深入的学习。所以每次读论文遇到方程就感到有些茫然。刚来荷兰时也是一样，每篇文章都感觉是新的，因为每篇文章都有一些看起来不一样的方程。但随着大量的阅读和积累，我发现在这个领域的所有文章都是相似的，方程都是一样的，再也不感到迷茫。得益于宽松的研究氛围，我有了大量的时间去思考，甚至花费很多时间研究了一些对我来说很难但实际上非常基础的问题。我掌握了一些微分方程的数值解法，学习了用数学描述不同成像方法。这算是解开了我心中的一个结。现在即使遇到新的数学物理问题，我也可以很容易理解这些方程，去求解。

这三年虽然参与了一些会议，准备了两篇文章（但缺少实验数据不准备发表），但是还是没有达到心里想达到的高度。因为来之前我觉得这是一个较为容易工程化的项目，我当时希望能在结束时有一些demo产品出现，所以全力工作在项目本身，忽视了并行研究的重要性，导致没有充分利用这里的平台和专家资源。最终我也通过模型、计算证实这是个几乎不可能的工程路线，但为时已晚，没有时间让我做其他有意义的事情了。

4.结束

这三年的每一天我踏踏实实做好眼前的工作、解决遇到的每一个问题。虽然学到了很多实际知识，通过仿真加深了对理论知识的理解，很多时候有一种“原来如此”的感觉，但缺少对全局目标的把控，导致可见的成果寥寥。

现在我对不管是超声、微纳器件领域的科研，还是信号处理、编程都有很深的理解。但我依然发现在荷兰找到一个很吻合的工作很难。 下一阶段就是着重沉淀、目标导向吧。2024，好好计划，好好走路，慢慢稳定。

English Version

After three years of postdoctoral career, it is time now to look back and think about the future.

1. Departure

In July 2020, during a department meeting, I received an email offering the Postdoc position. I felt excited and yet calm, as leaving a comfort zone is always challenging. I had been living in Beijing for almost 12 years, and restarting abroad at this age implies a significant breakthrough. Returning to China later would also be challenging without proper networking and experience, especially finding a job at the age of almost 35. The managers tried to persuade me to stay, emphasizing the importance of youthful struggle, mentioning Europe’s decline, and suggesting it’s wiser to stay in China at the prime age.

However, I made the decision without regret. Regardless of what unknown situation it will be abroad, exploring new opportunities is necessary. Subsequently, I resigned and prepared for the journey.

On November 16, 2020, I arrived in Guangzhou, calmly shopping and bidding farewell to friends. I knew I was temporarily leaving everything behind – family, friends, familiar food, and culture. Facing the daily increasing numbers of new COVID-19 infections, I stepped into the unknown.

After a 10-hour flight, I finally set foot on the Dutch land. I can’t recall how I walked out of the airport, but it was certainly less anxious than my first visit in 2018. I took a ride by a friend’s family to Groningen. Few cars on the road. The sky showered brilliant sunlight on the lush pastures, on the golden leaves along winding rivers, and on the spotted cows. I was so excited then, capturing the beauty with my phone. Even today, I still enjoy cycling through such scenic small towns.

2. Life

Initially, life in the Netherlands seemed very inconvenient, especially during the peak of the COVID-19, with few pedestrians, curfews, closed shops, and limited supermarket hours. My daily routine were studying, attending online meetings, and taking the train to Groningen. Even stading in the street, only window-shopping was possible. And it was challenging to know what was available in closed stores because they were all in Dutch. Feeling anxious to the unknown, I looked up every words in the dictionary whenever I encountered. It wasn’t until King’s Day in 2022 that I saw people in the streets, and I vividly remember the joy of seeing a less-crowed people walking – I couldn’t help but smile. I never realized how much I craved community life.

In Delft, where many Chinese people reside and share information with each other, I could almost detach from the Dutch environment, living within the small Chinese circle. However, when I chatted with my colleagues, even though I understood every word they said (sometimes only half), I still couldn’t grasp the meaning of the sentences. Realizing the difference of thoughts, mindset, and lifestyle, I decided to embrace and absorb the local culture. Fortunately, there were many international colleagues in the department, making it easy to integrate, socialize, and share moments over drinks.

In the Netherlands, going to bars is a common activity. Unlike in China where excessive drinking always happened, leading to discomfort, here I could have just one drink if I wished. In the beginning, I listened more, striving to understand others. Now, I can easily join conversations. I gradually fell in love with the relaxed and talkative atmosphere in bars. Sometimes, people from nearby tables would join our group, or vice versa. Sometimes, we would gather at one colleagues’ home, making cocktails, and bringing in dishes from our own home. Leaving one’s own country and cicle requires active integration and mutual companionship, which, for Europeans, may be easier due to their tradition of studying abroad. But for Chinese, due to huge cultural differences, it needs more efforts. I think I did quite well.

In the Netherlands, prices are much higher than those in China, whether for shopping, dining out, or even delivery services. But over time, I accepted this low materialistic, low-consumption lifestyle. Unless necessary, I refrained from buying things. Sometimes, I explored second-hand stores, finding items with good quality and a vintage feel. At first, I wasn’t used to early store closures, but I understood that everyone, needs rest, regardless of their job. It’s a manifestation of a developed country and social equality.

Winter in the Netherlands is always cold, dark, damp, and tiring. There was a time I was not used to the weak yellow indoor lights, but now I find it warm and helpful. In the first winter, most of my time was spent studying. I would go to the office before it was bright (8 a.m.) and leave when it was already dark (7 p.m.). Even on weekends in Groningen, I continued studying.

When the spring arrived there was less rain and the sun shined, my partner and I would ride our worn-out bicycles to the riverside, forests, and small towns. Facing the cold wind, basking in the rare sunlight, we passed by fields of red flowers, green grass, and white walls, admiring the beauty of Dutch rural courtyards while lamenting the backwardness of Chinese rural areas. This continued from spring to summer, then to autumn, year after year. Although life here can be dull, cycling through beautiful countryside is a pleasure.

3. Work

Shortly after arriving, I was impressed to find several researchers or engineers from TNO in the team, some with a considerable age, working with us on an equal footing. They respected our opinions, operated instruments, and wrote code, working on the frontlines. I often saw code completed in the 1990s, implementing algorithms from the ground up without relying on third-party or commercial libraries. I was amazed by their understanding of fundamental algorithms and their passion for technology. When I was facing difficulties, they went out of their way to help. I greatly admired these experienced engineers who immersed themselves in researching fundamental technologies, constantly trying them in new application areas. This, I believe, is one reason for the development of technology in the Netherlands.

These years fulfilled my dreams. Although I had accumulated a lot of theoretical knowledge before, I lacked practical practice. I was always rushing to complete tasks like sensor simulation and testing, and some tasks did not require deep mathematical and physical knowledge and some were done using commercial software. I didn’t have many opportunities to delve deeper into mathematics and physics. Hence, whenever I read papers with equations, I felt perplexed. The same happened when I arrived in the Netherlands; every paper seemed new to me because each had seemingly different equations. However, with extensive reading and accumulation, I realized that all papers in this field are similar, and the equations are the same. I am no longer afraid. Thanks to the relaxed research atmosphere, I had plenty of time to think, dedicating time to studying difficult but fundamentally important problems. I mastered numerical solutions to differential equations and learned different imaging methods mathematically. This untangled a knot in my mind. Now, even when faced with new mathematical and physical problems, I could easily understand these equations and solve them.

Although I attended some conferences and prepared two papers (not ready for publication due to lack of experimental data), I still did not reach the ambition I aspired to. Before I came here, I thought this was a project that could be engineering implemented . I hoped to have some demo products by the end. So, I focused entirely on the project itself, neglecting the importance of parallel research. This resulted in not being able to fully utilize the platform and expert resources here. In the end, I confirmed through modeling and computation that this was an almost impossible engineering route. Unfortunately, it was too late, and I didn’t have time to do other meaningful nd interesting projects.

4. Conclusion

Every day of these three years, I diligently did my work and solved every problem I encountered. I learned a lot of practical knowledge and deepened my understanding of theoretical knowledge through simulation. However, lacking control over the overall goal leaded to my few achievements.

Now I have a deep understanding of research in ultrasonics, micro-nano devices, signal processing, and programming. However, I find it still challenging to find a job in the Netherlands that perfectly matches my skills. The next stage will be focusing on consolidation one area and more goal orientation. Plan for 2024 is ready.

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